Posted by Oren and Dov…

We were once told by a very wise and learned woman, whom is no rookie, that Workshop is a long, long, long process, and in that long process one will write many lists. Surprise, surprise, here we are, Dov and Oren, relaxing in a beautiful house in the wonderful city of Afula, hanging out for the holiday with nothing to do… at all… and we mean nothing. Well there is eating incredible food, but we’ve already done our fair share. So here it is, the long awaited "First List of Workshop." We call it: “I Don’t Think We’re in Kansas Anymore.” It points out the small, minute differences between Kibbutz life and life in a first world country:

At Home…	On Kibbutz…
We spend our free time watching countless hours of TV and wandering around with nothing to do.	We spend our free time playing countless hours of shesh-besh and learning circus tricks.
Breakfast was a meal we looked forward to – full of nutritious waffles, pancakes, toast, frosted flakes, orange juice and eggs.	Breakfast consists of 3% milk, some tomatoes and chocolate spread – if we’re lucky.
We have stores to buy furnishings and decorations.	We have the abandoned buildings in the forest and junk we find on the side of the streets.
We have public or private school classrooms.	We have unventilated bomb shelters.
We tutor rich Jewish kids for $15 an hour.	We work four hours in the sweltering heat doing hard manual labor, picking peppers – for “the experience.”
Eating fruit you find on a random tree in the streets may result in pesticide poisoning.	Eating fruit you find on a random tree in the streets may result in the gaining of essential vitamins and nourishment.
Sunday means one more day of freedom.	Sunday means a day of nine straight hours of classes followed directly by a two hour lecture with time in the middle only for lunch.
Monday Night Football means The Lions vs. The Eagles.	Monday Night Football means The Kibbutznicks vs. HDUK (in soccer).
Even your foreign language teachers knew English.	None of your teachers know English.
We all used to look to Hollywood with star struck eyes.	Now at the sound of, “Sunday, Hollywood,” we run.
Broadband internet meant your own fast connection.	Broadband means 1 shared connection between 600 people.
The phrase “The British are coming, the British are coming,” once struck fear in the hearts of Americans.	Nothing has changed.
We had all sorts of great shapes.	We only have circles.
You could buy Sudafed at a gas station.	To get Sudafed you have to go to a Doctor and then to a Pharmacy.
It was the status quo to shower everyday.	Our record: three days in a row.
You can show any spot in Michigan on your right hand.	You have to use your entire body to show Israel.
If you wanted a snack you just had to reach into a drawer and grab what you wanted.	You have to steal loafs of bread at meals, and then save them like they were gold… and then eat it.
No sunscreen – no problem.	No sunscreen – you turn into Toni A.K.A. the lobster.
If you saw something in the trash, you left it there.	If you find something in the trash, you get really excited and yell, “Hey look what I found in the trash!”
Wildlife meant squirrels and raccoons.	Wildlife means cats, dogs, and more cats.
Flushing the toilet was an easy decision.	It really makes you think, "Which Lever?"
Your most prized possession was your $4,000 car.	Your most prized possession is a “really neat” stick you found in the woods.
Doing your laundry was as easy as leaving it for mom.	To do your laundry you have to write HD## on every article, drop it off in the middle of the street, and then cross your fingers that more than half will come back.
There was a difference between an espresso, café au lait, and filtered coffee.	No matter what button you press, the same crap comes out.
Using the Sherutim meant going to the bathroom.	Using the Sherutim means taking a group taxi from point A to point B.
The only thing holding you back from hitting on a hot girl was yourself.	It’s that giant AK 47 anyone your age carries.